I am going to help you get an A, young one
Jake's essay can be found HERE.
Making a Content Suggestion:
Overall, Jake has written a very strong essay. In his essay, Jake is arguing that school lunches are the better option for children currently attending school that still serves lunch in a cafeteria. When reading Jake's paper, I did notice that often the brevity of his paragraphs hurt his argument because the paper seemed to jump very quickly from one argument to another without expanding on the facts that he would cite. I believe that Jake needs to expand more on the arguments that he gives. An example of this is his vegan option argument, which I believe neither hurts or helps his argument, it just makes the reader confused because being vegan is such a small percentage of kids in elementary or high school that it does not really make an impact on the argument of bringing a packed lunch to school. Also for his personal statement I believe that Jake generalized lunches from home based off of the lunches that his parents packed for him when he was in school when in reality a packed lunch could be nearly everything and depends on what the parent decided to include.
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