Local Revision: Wordiness.

Girin, Bruno. "Words" 08/08/2007 via Flickr

Excerpt from Draft"
"The setting is Greece. Greece is a country in Southern Europe consisting of a mainland and thousands of islands throughout the vast sea. Standing upon the beaches of Greece, one may take in the salty seas that have experienced history like no other. From battling city states to battleships of World War II, Greece has almost seen it all. The sun shines down blindingly on Athens, the historical center of Greek civilization for over 4,000 years. Citizens in Greece often experience high standards of living as they thrive from their accomplished past. Today, Greece wades through an economic recession, comparable to America’s Great Depression where families struggled to survive and jobs because nearly non-existent. Greece sits upon a massive pile of history. In the capital city, office buildings can be seen among the ruins of the Parthenon and massive coliseum, hand crafted of stone by men long passed. The economy of Greece is the democracy that was founded in Athens thousands of years before. With an executive, legislate, and judicial branch, Greece functions as a democracy similar to the United States. Today, Greece sits as a failed state with many families struggling and an economy being chocked by the Euro and the countries that it owes. Looking passed the economy, Greece offers beautiful landscapes where large mountainous regions meet vast and blue seas. In all, Greece is a country to marvel at with a rich history and extensive landscape seen nowhere else."

After Revision: 

"The setting is Greece. Greece is a country in Southern Europe consisting of a mainland and thousands of islands throughout the sea. Standing upon the beaches of Greece, one may take in the ocean that has experienced history like no other. From battling city states to battleships of World War II, Greece has almost seen it all. The sun shines down on Athens, the center of Greek civilization for over 4,000 years. Citizens in Greece often experience high standards of living as they thrive from their past. Today, Greece wades through an economic recession, comparable to America’s Great Depression where families struggled to survive and jobs because nearly non-existent. Greece sits upon a massive pile of history. In the capital city, office buildings can be seen among the ruins of the Parthenon and a massive coliseum, crafted of stone long ago. The economy of Greece is the democracy that was founded in Athens thousands of years before. With an executive, legislate, and judicial branch, Greece functions as a democracy similar to the United States. Today, Greece sits as a failed state with many families struggling and an economy being chocked by the Euro and the countries that it owes. Looking past the economy, Greece offers landscapes where mountainous regions meet vast seas. In all, Greece is a country to marvel at with history and landscape seen nowhere else."

Above is the revision of the paragraph alters the experience of the listener when listening to the podcast of the Greek Financial Crisis. Overall, I believe the revision of the paragraph by taking out as many words as I could hurts the quality of my project. This is due to the fact that the majority of extra words that were removed were adjectives and descriptive words that provided the audience with a need imagery. By removing these words in a podcast, the audience receives bland information and has no reason to continue listening to the podcast. I think the only way the revised paragraph is shorter is that it is more concise and gets to the the point quicker, a valuable trait for different genres than podcasts like QRG's.